there it is,
What they stole from Me,
Those Summer Days,
That weren’t really real,
but were the Best I could See Well,
They were the Glorious moments,
Where I had the landscape, and could see the Potential,
But continuously grieved the Absence of it,
It was strange,
but inherently, I knew something was wrong,
Even when I knew no better,
I could See the Clouds,
Their Shapes, their Stories,
I could See the Trees,
The their Ability to Merge,
how they offer fruit and flower Alike,
How they Stretch,
How they Teach,
How Mighty,
In Beauty,
The Stars in Pitch Black,
The Green Fields,
The Dreams of Paradise,
Dreams of Makkah,
The Dreams of Paradise,
With Landscapes unimaginable,
Unimaginable,
The Darkness,
The Black Lakes,
The Places where they work with Bones,
I knew.
In my , Bones,
More my Flesh,
More the Blood,
and the Burning,
and the Yearning,
and the Mind,
The Bleeding
The Beatings
The Bleeding.
Heart,
there it All Is.
There it all was,
For a Moment,
A House,
With lots of Windows,
With Lamps and Lights,
that Shine the House Yellow Golden Hues,
Mustard Seeds and Curcuma,
Peaches if you will,
But Mostly and Mainly Pakistani Mangoes
In the Summer,
Yellow,
That Light,
That Light and the Heat,
That Heat,
and How it Heals,
How it Heals,
How it brings fourth Happiness,
The Light that would be shining through the Windows,
I’d Latch onto it,
And my Fathers hand cut Grapes and Mangoes,
with Double Cream,
Latch onto it,
Latch onto it,
The Laughter of Poppo,
Her Love,
So Broad,
So Vast, so Vivid,
Latch onto her Daughter,
We would Laugh,
and Love,
Its what I knew,
Its all I knew,
Love,
It was the sharing of Plate,
and giving your last pieces to the Ones you Love,
It was sharing all you Had,
Because of Love,
It was the words of Trust,
That you were safe Here,
Because we had each other,
We were Groups,
Never alone,
There was Love,
or so I thought,
It was all I Knew,
An Absent Pear,
Pear-Shaped,
With seeds as faces,
Empty,
It was all I knew,
But It was Stolen Too,
For love was only met in Half Spaces,
Met in Half Love – Moulds,
Not Whole,
Never,
Whole.
Never..
Then there was the Kindness,
Cha Cha,
And his Sweetness,
His Laughter,
His Compassion.,
He became my Saviour,
Would Remove me from the Violence for a moment,
before they would send me Back,
Remove me from the violence,
For a Moment,
Make Amends,
Make Amends,
Find the Balance,
For the Sick Woman,
She had Lost it.
She was Sick,
She was Violent.
And even Her Love.
Oh Her Love.
Her Love.
How I still Defend,
In her Name,
I don’t know what happened there.
I feared her the Most.
I don’t know what happened here.
Noone knew how to.
Not even Me.
But I knew,
Something was Terribly wrong.
There was Terror in the house.
She had the Strike of Infiernos,
in a Finger,
She was the Burning,
The Anguish,
She Destroyed the Mind,
She Struck Fear into blood cells,
Blood, filthy,
Dark red, purple,
Struck the Worst into Us,
She taught us about Hell,
Taught us about Sins,
How God would Punish Us,
How we would Go to Hell,
That we would be Die Burning,
That every inch of our limbs were unholy,
Dirty,
How Hot Oil would be Poured into Our Ears,
For Music was our Respite,
But she replaced it with further Burns,
Then she started Burning Me,
Not only Emotionally,
But Physically,
Assassinated the Person,
In every Character,
In every Shade,
In every Movement,
In the Showing of my Teeth,
In the Crossing of my left Leg,
My Hair,
The Sinner of Sins,
The Hair,
A Demonstration of Filth,
the Hair,
Uncovered,
Shown,
I was the Devil,
Shaytaan,
and his Disciples,
Had Seduced me
Some How,
Into being a Devil,
Demonstrated,
Through Uncovered hair,
At the age of 9,
Why?
Why my Hair?
My Hair.
My Black Black,
Deep Black,
Wild Hair,
My beautiful Wild, Witchy Hair,
How she Tamed it,
Into her Plaits,
with Oil,
For over 23 years I had no control,
Of even my Hair,
They all would decide on what Hair,
I was allowed to Have,
and Not,
Couldn’t even remove it
From my Body,
For 27 years I had no control over my Flesh,
I discovered my Arms and Legs just recently,
My Breasts,
My Legs,
My Upper Arms,
My Belly,
My Breasts,
My Legs,
My Feet,
Discovering the Portal,
The Portal of Flesh,
Body Whole,
Sexy,
Sandiyas and their Seeds,
Discovering what it means to be
Human.