Here it is again,
This Crushing Grief
That has me Disabled,
That leaves me Hanging like a Dead Body,
Hanging,
here I am Again.
Upside Down,
A Hang Man,
Cut Up,
in between Home and Land,
that does not Belong to me,
It Hurts so cold,
Cold deep into my Bone Marrow,
It’s like they’ve Cursed my Flesh,
My Skin, with goosebumps,
Piercing me with every Moment,
The Wind comes and prickles the Flesh,
This has become Demonic Work,
I have been Shaking since the day I arrived,
On this Land upon which I struggle,
These Lands which rob me of my Spirit,
Or maybe it is my Spirit which is throwing a tantrum,
Of my Return to Foreign Home,
Where there is nothing Here,
Only Hell,
Its Memory,
and its Current Presence.
I give Thanks,
I give Thanks,
,
Yet,
Today the Word declared against Me,
My Emotions betrayed Me,
I felt what I had Forbidden for my Self,
Thought the Bridge was Stronger,
thought I had Walked into the Light,
but there it is again.
There it is,
Again.
____
Dear Lord,
Make the Remnants of Torture be forgotten,
may they be Eased,
May the Space in all Timelines across which Spirit was Fractured, be completed,
May the Parts of me that had to Flee, be Returned,
May the Body Remember Good,
May it stay Praying in Resistance, in Play and in Hope,
May my Body be a Living Prayer, may it form shapes, and tell Stories of what happened,
May you fill the Emptiness with Love,
May it be Sweet, like the Prophet,
May it be Sweet like Mary,
The Mother of All Mothers,
May you Tend to the Wounds that Burn,
To the Aftermath that is this Emptiness,
May you fill it with Passion,
With Remembrance,
With Love,
May the Love that enters my Life be Solemn,
May it Allow me to Stay Close to You,
May I Remain Close to it,
In Love.
For Lord,
I am Burning.
Despite Having Seen your Creation.
Assist Me in the Ending,
Send me Back,
Send me Back,
Send me back to where the Fish Speak with Me,
Where the Waters cleanse Me,
Purge me out.
Where your Flowers make me Fall in Love.
and Heal even the Ash upon my Heart.