I let the tears roll out of my eyes,
let them form a lagoon,
I allow for them to leave for cleansing,
For baptism,
I await for the blood that will come,
to rid me of the hurt,
I wonder how many days it will take for this to pass,
Grief likes to get swirled and melted into one pot,
Cannot trace the roots,
Just an amalgamation of hunger and loss,
Who do I turn to?
I look inwards, to see the hollowing grandeur that is my heart,
They ask why, what, who, how,
I have no words,
I cannot bring to my lips what they are not apparent of,
Cannot see what they have birthed,
Or what they are raising,
What they could never see, I now know,
But I am as a blind as they,
A game of lies,
I stay obtaining knowedge,
Stay living this life in all its extremeties,
I cry till every tear is left,
My eyes have bruises,
noone ever looks deep enough to ask questions to where the yellow comes from,
Why there are scars inked on me like tattoos,
I feel it all, every fingerbreadth of pain,
the ounces weighed up against mountains,
Every needle releasing years of pain,
I grieve right through it,
I go inwards,
I retract,
I stop bleeding,
I rest,
I just stop.
all to just breathe again and smile,
That is the beauty of life,
to feel everything,
to not escape into its shadows,
but to grow.
I will wait and endure all this,
to know there is something better,
to believe that this isn’t all of it,
this is just a fragment..