and in the end,
there is always all this space,
this Grotesque,
Unsettling space,
always at the precipice, of meeting Death,
With a Handshake,
Or drowning Deep in the Underworld,
a place I swim in as if Home,
because if not here, then where?
I am a Mermaid,
Who swims with Darkness and Time,
Through all its motions, it’s depths, and planes,
Even when fear had Visited,
Blasted me out of Linearity ,
And came and Ate the eyes out of my Sockets,
And fed them to Me,
I swallowed Fear, and Swam blindly,
Daily, at the vortex of Drowning,
Spun around Violently, like a Tsunami,
Until all the Water came out my Ears,
And Poured out my Mouth,
And I could see all the Dirty,
Could see through the Bubbles of Pain
Began to know of it’s Skin, how it Hides,
Then it’s Centre,
It’s composition, feeding Into deep roots,
That morph out and form extensions of Us,
I began to see my Life,
In the bottom of Cups of Cacao,
As if coffee bregs,
And I was a Gypsy,. Reading my Time,
All anyone saw was Bubbles of Rainbows still glimmering,
Under all the Brown,
and I saw, the Dark,
Rape came and washed me up,
A final Mark of the Death of Me.
Piercing through the Centre Point,
in which I was forced to Wake from Slumber,
An Outrage of the Holy,
Brought me into Limp Position,
Bent Over, but Heaving,
There was Movement,
An Urge to Protect,
Witnessed my Heart,
a Remembrance of Intent,.
Of All The Love I Carry,
The Chamber of Secrets,
It’s vastness, it’s Breadth,
Remembered my Position,
For the most Righteous,
Of Holy,
Still I am unpicking the remnants of rape,
How Lucky I am,
For the Story my Womb tells,
Of my Mother’s and Uncles,
And their Stories of Pain,
How she Sings through Me,
in the End,
Now,
I find myself in all this White Space,
This hollow, vastness,
A Void, of where once Terror washed through my days,
As if Prayer could not be Stopped,
Even if I had begged for Mercy,
At the Knees of God daily,
There’s all this space, Now,
and I remember,
I somehow still Dreamt,
I somehow still Dream,
When the Light is All Gone,
I still Flirt,
and I wonder, what the fuck that is?