She ,
Erupted a crater in me again,
Strong I may be,
But, human I am,
There is no manual,
Nor guidance, no soundboard,
For how one should love their abuser,
How it works to rebuild on something built on scraps,
But I do, and I don’t deny
Because I feel responsible for her,
I, the Mother I should not be,
I have rewritten my script,
This story ,
Have erased all that she poisoned me with,
Time and time again,
Reprogrammed and rewired myself,
I forget,
That it’s taken years,
For me to put back piece by piece putting what was so shattered,
I’m the fool for believing,
In the love of hers,
A helpless fool,
Why do I remained surprised ?
She is not evil, she is just lost,
How can I explain to anyone ,
That I am a kid of an Abuser
That Abuser is my Mum ,
Yet she is Lost,
_____ SHIFT
There is a new heartbreak in me,
Or rather an buried one,
Of the child that never had her Mother,
But who tried to Love her anyway.
So that is where I am at,
Realising that She will never be ,
Who I desire her to be,
She will never be my mother,
But I love her anyway,
Even as it pains me,
I must grieve,
Before I walk this street again.