unevenly disconnected
as if the world ripped apart, and we became separated
we live under the same roof
But we speak as acquaintances
You birthed me, but for what reason
We are like tectonic plates at opposite parts of the ocean
I am not what you wanted as a daughter but neither will it understand why I cannot be
When I am gasping for breath, I find only myself helping me
at nights where I vomit so much, my eyes lose their colour,
I am the one who ties my own hair
And washes the bowl of sick
The days where I begged I was ill
But you told me I was lying
So I took myself to hospital, and they operated
That twice in Ramadan, IT happened
But you said IT was because of my astray intentions
but yet the following year the same happened to you
I am the blame for you not remarrying
I am your burden that you will hold for life
I am the flesh and bones of your body
And this blood that runs in mine, is yours too
Do not deny, that maybe I have His nose, all the rest of me visually is you
That culture which you never taught me about, but always wanted me to have engrained, that too I have found
And I am joyous
The colour of my skin, melted golden and rubies, I hid underneath, because you never taught me what beauty was
You never taught me what my colour stood for
the language which is instilled upon my tongue, the same one you stopped speaking when you moved to this country, but I begged to learn, and I crave
But you have stopped speaking
the religion which you enforced onto on me, without guidance, without love, without beauty, but with force, with fear and with torment, led me to turn away, but here I am. Enscapulated in all it’s beauty, wanting to learn more, wanting to understand more, but you will not teach with love, so where shall I go?
You will never appreciate the beauty of religion, if you cannot love
So I wonder where this passion of your God comes from
Because you cannot love me,
And you refuse to love me
I become frightened when thinkig of what type of mother I will become, because of you
Because what more worse of a sin can there be,
When you’re own mother does not love you
I am the sinner
but you are the sin.