and in a blink of an eye,
all that I knew turned to ash,
was laid down on warm soil,
and was used to fertilise the earth beneath me,
for the growth of seed that is my youth,
so now I am to use what she has laid down,
my feet walking on a path that is not so common,
but the physical side of this leaves me lost,
the air around me is emptier,
I seem to not be touching ground any more,
there is no longer any grounding,
some could say that maybe I am in denial,
for which I am,
this no longer a game that I am playing,
it seems I am being played,
as I have been for the majority of this life,
they used to call this a test and I would agree,
I seem to question this now,
that even when I have my feet behind the controller,
it seems the obstacles that face me seem to get more obscure as life takes turns,
the big things don’t scare me any longer,
you could cut me, and I would smile,
leave me in a room for years on end, and I would grin,
could leave me to listen to my brothers scream, and I would stay quiet,
leave me bloody nose and bruises, and I would hold my tongue,
could starve me, and somehow my body would hold onto all that is left,
but now,
absence has struck me yet again,
no drive,
no passion in my eyes,
yes my fingers are flooded with passion,
it seems I am painting the pain away,
but there is not enough canvas to express what numbness I am overcome by,
cannot digest, cannot fathom,
there is no time, though the concept of time is such an illusion
this space in time is chasing after me,
trying to step on my loose ends,
try watch me fall,
I am being watched,
keep tripping,
I keep existing,
thats all I do, exist,
sometimes with happiness,
and no depression doesn’t live here because I know this too will pass,
but I am empty,
all I have left now is blank canvas,
let me bathe,
let me wash the hurt out of me,
I can feel everything,
but in this moment,
cannot feel a thing.