my mothers voice is forced down my throat,
a foreigner against my cells,
she is rejected,
the fight or flight system kicks in,
and I realise I have been shot with poison,
She,
Black Abaya wearing,
hijab tightly fitted,
head on foreground, child bearing,
widowed,
Zehr *
She like others,
manouevered my body as if it was play-doh,
tried to flesh together something that could not exist,
my pretty little hands,
in all the wrong places,
I was scolded, and had my flesh hung up to dry for punishment,
Attempting to steal the joy from me,
but it wasn’t just her,
this was teamwork,
a plotted plan,
curation at its finest,
all zipped lips and ,
new hijabs and,
croatia knitted rugs for the sofas,
Plastic covering remotes, tabletops, the insides of drawers,
Plastic protecting any type of scratch, or scruff,
Keeping it brand new, untouched,
Anything and everything but their own mouths
these types of plans are intricate,
Finely decorated
For all to see a perfect family’
But unwrap the layers,
And you will find the mould that grows,
You will see how untouched their faces are,
Masks written with the verses of Quran,
Written in Braille, written over chest,
and hands which lay silently in sujood,
Women beating at Keema*
Displaced from their own bodies,
Beating down at atta *
Papyrus skin,
With tasbeeh* in hand,
I am my mothers worst nightmare,
She birthed her demons into a daughter,
Her dreams and fears enveloped into one,
I even got her tongue in poetry,
Yet she denies every drop of my blood,
Wishes it all back,
I don’t know if she weeps over me,
Every time we speak, all that is heard is curses
Whore, sister fucker, prostitute, dirty,
Shaytaan,
I wonder why mothers have daughters,
If all they bleed into them is their pain,
What was so full of enigmatic horror, that it caused a grave to grow between us ?
There are no words left for a mother as such,
Only poetry to remind of the war I lived through,
To remind me the sunset did come,
That sleep does contain rest.
*Zehr= Poision
*Keema= Mince
*Atta = dough used to make roti
*Tasbeeh= prayer beads