Fear comes and sucks the life out of Me,
Like a Dementor chasing me,
They have chased me across the World
Physically, Obsessively,
Stalking me, even when I was in Solitude.
Hidden away, forced out of Sight,
Ran me out through even the realms of Emotion and Spirit,
Where I had to question myself and sanity,
Yet my Body was screaming,
It spoke for itself,
Psychological torture,
Fear ran me out of my own Mind,
The beatings bruised my Soul more than they did my Body,
But I remained Solid,
Thought I knew of a Love that kept me steady,
But it was not.
Lost. Abroad. Confused.
I have Cauterized myself from them,
To stop the bleeding,
Love, Mangled,
A Loss in all my Languages,
Spoken and unSpoken,
I rotate in all my Beings,
These last years of unpicking my flesh from the skin they clothed me in,
Unpicking the Words they words they plastered on me,
Cemented ideology that hurt me more than it did grow Me,
I am lucky,
That I come from where I come from,
I would not be Me otherwise.
But the Torture doesn’t pain me anyless
The suffering continues,
Even though I’ve left,
Suicide, and my worthiness of Life in question at every second,
Not from worth, but rather,
The Pain more often, hourly than not,
Haunts me more than the Laughing and breathing does.
I do not want to Live,
Unless I am Laughing.
But we all know the Absurdity that comes with Life
Is that it’s not meant to be Rosy,
And full of daisies,
My dad would say “who said life would be easy or fair?
Who told you that?
And then I have my Question to God, I love You, but when does it become more liveable?
I am more Alive, than before,
But also death always seems like it’s round the Corner..