In delight,
I have found myself,
Broken,
In delight,
I find myself,
Break,
Over time I have found myself putting the pieces of my shattered self back together,
Like a xylophone
Making music with each bone,
Something always out of tune ,
With green vines and olives ,
I find myself gently forcing skin back into flesh,
I try to mould myself with the glass that broke inside of me,
Whilst doing so,
Sharp shards have sliced my skin,
Sometimes the cut is that of a punctured lung,
I find myself intoxicated from my own thoughts,
The fumes of ash blowing gently into my cerebellum,
I lose my vision ,
Sometimes I thought it would never stop,
Thought that the waters inside of me took over,
For good ,
Like a flood ,
Knife,.
Finish,
Blade,
over.
Yet ,
This time I fought until the blood ran dry,
The ocean of grief drained out of me,
Like the kneading of dough by our grandmother’s,
Every inch worked into,
I let the anger dry out,
And I painted into my eyes the stars which lay in the seventh heavens,
The Moon my first lover,
Or maybe it was the trees,
My neck stretching , growing like a giraffe,
Aching to stare at the only beauty left to wonder into,
The little balls of sun roared inside of me,
Showing me the way,
That it was possible,
I was able to rewrite all neural pathways,
I found God inside of me ,
Flowers poured out my mouth,
Into the very waters that beat me,
I took medicine after medicine,
Purging from my throat,
My abuse,
Acceptance,
Forgiveness ,
Letting Go,
I was happy,
I am happy,
I was happy.
Free.
But now,
I find that the Sun here doesn’t shine,
I smile,
But it doesn’t shine,
I remind myself of the lessons ,
But,
My soul becomes limp again,
And I ponder to myself if I will constantly be running to find hope,
I wonder what life is like for those who haven’t been abused to their core,
Despite being liberated ,
Being free of an old paradigm ,
This tumor has given me a different perspective on mortality,
It has given me an edge,
Reminds me to stay here , now
Free,
Recently though,
I wonder if this is it for me,
It is exhausting ,
To just Be sometimes,
It’s inexplicable,
I’m free,
But I am so tired.
Ya Rabba.
Please Free me.
In delight,
I have found myself,
Broken,
In delight,
I find myself,
Break,