Grief has Emptied me,
Left me without Sleep,
my Body limp from Fatigue,
drained of all Water,
Tears on tissue and Floor,
Blowing, Crying, Screaming,
I keep Weeping,
As if at a Funeral,
Pacing the Space,
out of Madness,
Weeping,
Despite the Burns of this Assault against our Devotion,
Despite the Burns of our Shattered Glass Heart, smashed, without a Blink of Eye, not Thinking,
Despite the Eyes that cannot Unsee Aggression, despite His Eyes that Cannot See Self,
Despite the Fear that cannot be Unfelt in Chest, the Fear which flooded Space and Time,
and Room in which we Embody not only Self, but the Blessed Above that Cover us,
Despite the Ears fearful from the thuds of Aggression upon Home, and now the ringing of Ambulances
Despite The Ears that cannot Unhear the Unholy Words Spoken not just by He but his Enablers
Despite the Hurt Hands that now cannot Hold or Care for his Body, Body which was Wasteground,
Despite the Shock of witnessing the Unveiling of Unmasked Manchild,
Despite my Anger towards Self in my Foolishness, for denying my Intuition in the Name of Traumatised Heart,
Weeping,
Dear God,,
This Grief
singes my Heart,
Leaves me torn open,
Like the Aortic flaps in need of dissection,
blood not pumping usually,
but no amount of Heartache from Past,
could’ve prepared me for the Gasoline that has been thrown upon my Face today,
Scalded, and marked in Black,
Tormented Mercilessly on the very Core of my Being,
My very Roots the make me Raw, all that I Fled from,
All that I Survived against, not Knowing why,
Tormented and Painted with Blood that Spilled from his own Hands,
Face and Body covered in Sin,
As if the Wound wasn’t spewing in hot Oil enough,
As if the Heart hadn’t erupted enough,
As if my Floor hadn’t taken my Ribs and his Words not Pierced them apart,
I am Mourning,
Enraged.
A Fool I was,
To Believe in Change,
The Start repeating its Cycle,
This is The End, and yet was the Beginning.
Full Circle.
Now Doused and set Alight with Blood and Fire I could never have predicted,
How I got my Love so Wrong?
These Nights can’t contain my Grief,
The air around me not able to hold my Breathe,
Body collapsed,
Bent over,
I am Mourning,
night and Day,
Over a Man unrecognisable, in both heart and action,
bleeding upon White blossoms that were to be Thrown Up with Bouquet,
Now, the Silence of Snow Echoes,
Over the Cold Winter that has arrived here,
Preparing me for this Death,
Whilst I wear White to a Funeral of a Vile Cruel Death,
The Hurt shaking Me,
How Dare He?
God.
What the Fuck was this?