I wonder in how many tongues I can explain this pain?
In how many times my mouth will try to form words,
But gets stuck in my teeth, like gum,
Will get lost in the daggers of my throat,
An oasis sucked into my tonsils,
My teeth displayed as emblems,
All carrying the different identities I carry,
Smile through the cracked mouth,
Jaw tight,
through the hardships I am gifted with,
This myriad of equations that make up my genetics,
Nothing is solved,
I am the impossible maths equation,
Sent back over,
Test failed, try again.
The body cannot compute,
Computer failing,
Body glitching,
Organs misplaced,
digits not coded correctly,
trauma bled into the smallest of crevasses
My bones carry sadness,
Hollow,
Yet my Being strives,
Back screaming, womb crying,
Yet I flaunt,
With all my steps on silver linings,
The red dresses that put the life into me,
the spanish soul beaming,
I remember my joy,
Dancing with heel to toe,
Beating to the rhythm that life brings,
Displaced,
I feel as though I have been cut through my center,
Like the Moon,
She has been Eclipsed,
There is a darkness here in my womb,
Its craters wider than the song I sing,
the depths of this void,
I have found my mother lays within these walls,
I feel the pain I never could confront,
Or maybe could face, but could never place her face on the story,
My endometriosis a metaphor of grief untouched,
growing in all the wrong places,
Bleeding for an answer,
The trauma of a Mother,
Who birth a child,
Only to kill,
My womb feels foreign,
Screaming to be released,
I am in the face of death again,
Painted in sunflowers,
I wonder what story God has laid out for me,
Hit after hit,
My body takes the shocks,
I fight,
I say to them,
“that this will send me on a desert road to glory”
That I will moan in relief one day,
I say to them,
“That I will be fine again,”
“That God sends me on these roads to create stories,”
To morph a beauty in me that is sculpted through pain,
Incisions in every direction,
It seems I get no rest,
But is has bought out the Sun in my face,
I also don’t tell them,
I stay silent, I smile when I shouldn’t.
God send me strength,
There is a ball stuck in my throat,
I am frightened,
Yet more alive, than I ever have been