the physicalities of what is going on,
I am struggling to comprehend,
the nuance of existence,
I mean you must be here,
How can you have possibly have left?
How can all that I know have left from space and time,
all that was safe,
this corporeal hunger,
so now I am entering new land,
new territory,
new earth I walk on,
it seems emptier now,
lighter now, yet so heavy,
I feel so hollow now,
the bane of my being just shot off into the stars,
and though i’m grateful for she wasn’t doing okay,
but now I struggle to find my place in this world,
you know,
to know that your groundwork,
the seams that she knitted so tightly,
in effort to make the patchwork strong,
almost is coming loose,
flowing with the wind,
I am trying to find words to understand what it is that is going on,
the core of my body,
I have always seen as the central compartment of the chest,
between the set of lungs,
where the heart lies,
just lower and you will find my soul,
I feel as though maybe a portion of that has been yanked,
a sprained soul,
yet everything still moves,
like dervishes the world still rotates in its place in this universe,
the sun still the centre, and the moon still chasing its other half,
its like this movement of body works didn’y even flinch,
but the strings of my inner soul seems to have been skewed,
in effort to make me feel,
I thought I was doing okay,
couldn’t feel a thing, couldn’t underplay the numbness,
but now,
now its all coming down like waterfalls,
the sea taught me about restlessness,
taught me how things come in waves,
that it can overpower you in a wash,
so now i’m being washed over,
in what seems like more than a lifetime of pain,
not the usual stings and bites,
just emptiness,
like I don’t have a home in the world no more,
and though the intangible aspect of all this was always set in stone,
juxtaposition,
to know there was a home wherever I was,
but never in the phsycial sense,
but it seems i’ve lost my physical home,
lost what I could speak to,
my field of vision now blurred,
I am trying to be patient,
and trying to learn to walk all over again,
but she is everywhere in this city,
she is everywhere in the people I speak to,
I can’t close my eyes off her,
and its beautiful,
but a reminder,
that I am truly,
an Orphan to the world,
and I offer my heart to all those who wish to heal.
Pray for me,
or rather Ama would say,
never forget Prayer…