my Being still sings the same Song,
the Void into which I wake upon,
I cannot unchoose it,
though I try and wish to,
I cannot unfeel it,
despite days I pray to God to lift this weight off my morning Eyes,
Where I throw a tantrum,
and parade upon the ground, night after night,
where I call God upon his Moons and Stars, and ask,
Please Lord,
Please lift me out of this slumber into Another,
You do It,
Don’t let me Do it,
You Do it, you have the Power to,
Ease me off this suffering,
Where I beg, for this White Noise to go,
on Nights when suicide knows the inside of my Mouth,
as if it was Home,
Where Suicide fills my Body like a Drain,
My thoughts Racing, like an invisible Ghost
The sewage leaking through Me,
Blowing me Up,
I become the Sewer,
A Place for all my worst nightmares to come back to Life,
Often I don’t even think of the Old,
I don’t even think about what happened,
I think about how the future will never change,
How I have been in this feeling so many Times Before
This feeling, this recurring feeling,
this sadness, the same grief, the same loss.
where I realise this fight was not worth it,
Where I wonder why I even fought,
Where I wonder if People really ever will Understand what Depression is?
What Suicidal thoughts really are
I don’t Choose this.
What the fuck.