I have a Colossal pain that lives deep inside the Earth of me,
I don’t know how to hold it,
Nor carry it within my arms, nor Caress its Respiration,
Without it Breaking out of my Every Breath, every Sigh,
This immense Confusion, this Sorrow,
Ricketing through all my Joints,
Choking at the tears, my Eyelashes are Breathless,
and I am Weeping,
But I cannot tell for what, if not All of it.
If not All of this Sodden Hurt,
this Grief, this Desolation, this Humiliation,
Taking up all the Space in my existence,
like the Volcanoes I once lived amongst,
Dominant and Mighty in presence,
Heavy, leaving me no room for doubting Creation,
its Rawness, in its roughness, its Height, and its Contrasts,
I watch this body of Earth, and I look in Awe,
This Volcanic Pain,
For all, it must’ve witnessed and carried in its Life Cycle,
This Furnace,
Spewing out all this hurt I cannot verbalise,
cannot hold, cannot transmute, cannot contextualise,
just a constant Bubbling,
A Brewing of Magma behind my Lips,
I am smiling with Colour,
Lava spilling out my Tiny Body which cannot cope with all this pain,
All I have to offer is these Words and Sentences,
in an effort to put together an Image, or a Feeling,
of all that weighs inside of Me,
and I still don’t know how to cope.